Raise the curtains, let the show begin…

6:30am…even the sun was sleeping when I went to Royal Palms, the venue of Zing Ne Bana Di Jodi. Today was our first day. They’ll keep us imprisoned here till we are thrown out of the show or as everybody these days puts it – eliminated. The reality is yet to sink in…I’m a part of a reality show! And that too on a Zee channel! Heavy stuff, nah?

But it wasn’t easy man. The channel played a trick on us. There were 13 of us guys and 8 girls. As we were anxiously wondering if a few of us would have to do a Brokeback Mountain, the anchor Sangeeta informed us that the girls would select 8 of us. The rest of us would be packed off from the show! So there we were - 13 guys strutting around, gyrating and stripping to some horrible music, while the girls were checking us out…literally.

If today’s events are any indication of the greater female psyche, they should never pass that Women’s Quota Bill in Parliament. The female of our species just loses it when you make her master (mistress, if you insist) of the game. The moment our girls understood our fate lay in their hands, they morphed into mean bitches. One mean bitch was like Mystique…changing forms, and each meaner and bitchier than the other. At the end of all our shameless gallivanting the girls gave us reward points in the form of placards shaped like puckered lips. Wish they had given us the real ones! Somebody should have told the stupid producers that that would have guaranteed more eyeballs!

Anyways, after chucking 5 guys out, the tables were turned. We, the boys, had to choose our partners! Haaa…ab aaya oonth pahar ke neechey. A tall dark dude snatched the girl I had hoped to choose – remember the hot gal I’d met on audition day? So Miss Hot Angel was gone (her name is derived from a reality show she’d recently won – so she tells me). But hey I got a chick. Now she’s not as hot as Angel but she loves being in her “natural elements”. And anything that crosses her mid-thigh and goes above her collar bone aint quite natural for her! Lucky me! Thank you God!

Oh…I almost forgot about Superbitch Mystique. Nobody wanted to choose her. So from a roaring tigress, Superbitch suddenly became a whimpering billi. But you can’t keep her down man. The moment she got paired she was back clawing and meowing with ferocity hitherto unknown to the human civilization.

The channel must have gotten enough masala from our tamasha for they surprisingly morphed into human beings from TVR scavengers, and allowed us some free time. One more thing – the channel aka Zing aka Zee Muzic wouldn’t allow us our laptops but the Einsteins didn’t bar access to the business centre of the resort!

So ppl, I’ll keep you guys posted on the reality of Zing Ne Bana Di Jodi aka ZNBDJ.